March 4, 2010
Nathan’s New School
Nate has been at his new private autism school for a little over a month now. Things have NOT been easy. Why is it that people lie? At our intake meeting (a meeting with old school staff & the new staff before the child starts attending the school) we were promised the following…a reward system put in place for him, our old school district’s curriculum stated as soon as they received the materials, a written schedule that he could follow, and a classroom with higher functioning kids that are on the same level as Nate for social interaction and academics. After 4 days they moved him to a classroom with lower functioning kids and offered me this explanation, “Nathan was being teased and called a baby because he was crying a lot and asking for him Mom.” They didn’t think this classroom was a good fit for him. But they only gave it 4 days!!!
So, I went to observe the new classroom and was NOT happy! There was no reward system for him, they were not using the provided curriculum, he was not getting group instruction with a teacher leading the lesson, there were a few kids that could possibly be at the same level as him socially. It looked like a day care not a classroom!
So we had another meeting with the old staff & the new staff to go over things. It was not fun and I got ugly!! I asked why they moved him to this type of environment when it went against everything we wanted for him. I was told “Nathan was being bullied and threatened in the old classroom.” EXCUSE ME????? You said, teased and called a baby…now it’s bullied and threatened????
Yes, I was lied to! A few of the kids in the old classroom couldn’t handle it when Nate cried and screamed and were threatening to punch him in the face if he didn’t stop. Why didn’t they tell me that right from the start? They would have saved me a lot of grief and stress! So, going forward he is splitting his time between the 2 classrooms and so far it’s working. But now I don’t trust the staff!
Putting him in a private school was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do in my life for many reasons. Moving him out of public school to a private one means that there is a chance he would never be able to go back to public school around typical kids he could learn from. He may never make friends around the neighborhood because he doesn’t go to school with them. Will he pick up bad habits from the lower functioning kids at private school? This school is almost an hour and a half away on the bus (one way). Will that be too much for him? etc, etc, etc
All I can do is trust that this was the right thing to do for him and keep on the staff to make sure they do what we want them to do. I do hold out hope that I will be at peace with autism some day. But it keeps dragging me down. I win one battle and there are 10 more behind it ready for a fight. Autism parents are fighters, and we are tough!
So if you know an autism parent, tell them how tough they are, tell them they deserve a day off from the fight to de-stress and renew their energy. Better yet, offer to babysit so they can take a day off!!! 
Christine said,
April 13, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Hi Debi,
I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through with Nate’s new school. I have a 7-year old son as well with high functioning autism, and I can only imagine the difficulty you had in making the decision to send him to a private school. Our son goes to the public school mainly because we knew they would be required to provide him assistance, so he has an IEP.
You are absolutely right that being a parent of an ASD child is difficult and it is sometimes hard to continue to be strong. I give you credit for doing what you are doing because you believe it is the right thing for Nate – hang in there and take it a day at at time, but continue to get nasty if you need to with the school to make sure they are providing him with the best education and support he deserves.
My struggle right now is with Payton being socially accepted by his peers as it is seeming to get more difficult as he gets older. I certainly have my bad days and wonder why these poor kids have to deal with other mean children and struggle so much, but I have to believe there is a reason for everything or I know I will become a bitter, mean person myself. I just wish I could take it all away for him!